‘Cross the Line Into a New Season

Saturday 9.22.7
The time has come for ‘cross again. First up was Pikes Peak Velo Supercross down in Colorado Springs. A 1.4 mile course in Bear Creek Park. Start was on a graded dirt road then onto blacktop for a long climb with 2 speed bumps. Then up a bit in the dirt before a sharp descent to a 180 in loose dust. Run back up over 1 barrier and remount back to the road for a long, fast descent. At the end of the road it was back onto tight single track. Still dropping and pointed straight at the hay bales on the bridge. A little bunny hop over the bridge lip and still fast onto the loose curve. Steep run-up then a bitter grass and sand leg sapper until you get onto the dirt road. Back along the parking lot and into the woods again. A little sketchy at speed, but you’ve got to hold it for the last climb. Grunt up in the loose stuff. Short blacktop section then onto the choppy, off-camber segment. Another pair of barriers precede a 90* left onto the bridge and a fast section to the pits. Almost 180* around the pits in loose dust and 100 feet to the finish. Get out of that corner 1st and you win.

! ran the course to warm up. ! had just gotten to the start of the dirt section when the old guys started. ! heard noises behind me and turned to see 2 guys lying on the road. Several more were running off the side into the field and others were veering the other way. One broken collar bone. ! got back to the Z feeling nervous. ! told Big Al ! wasn’t sure ! was ready for this. “You’re not” he replied. What an inspiration. ! lined up in the back of the pack for 35+IVs. ! didn’t crash on the climb. ! didn’t crash anywhere. ! even got 17th place out of 27 finishers. 4 points. ! actually got points! Usually ! only get points on the day of the SWAP when everyone except the hardcore goes shopping.

7 laps. Only lapped by the winner. 9.3 miles, 12.1 avg. 28.5 max, 45:51
3:01 >170bpm 11:42<160bpm 31:08 in between.

Race 2. Regular 4s. No points this time. ! went back and forth with Evan Sandstrom in the Metro State jersey towards the end. ! was in front of him after the big run-up and knew ! had to hold him off so ! could beat him out of the last corner. He was right on my wheel the whole way. ! made the last turn in front. He came out of the corner and sprinted. He was gaining. ! held him off by ½ a wheel for 25th of 29. Only 6 laps and ! got lapped by the top 3 guys, but my average speed was 0.1 mph faster.

6 laps. Lapped by top 3. 7.9 miles. 12.2 avg. 26.3 max. 38:47
9:21>170bpm 13:52<160bpm 15:34 in between.


Sunday 9.23.7
Foothills ‘Cross at Dakota Ridge (Coalmine & Bowles)
Lots of the usual bits in the field and around the pond. ! ran into AJ & Courtney Johnson in the parking lot. Courtney was there to see what she was getting herself into. She wants to play ‘cross. She rode yesterday so she was too tired to race today.

Same start on the dirt road. All the way up and then a 90* right onto wide single track. Straight across fast and a 90* right to descend for a sharp left and barriers. Really loose dust and a steep climb. The remount was flat and firm. Fast downhills with some tight turns until the next barrier. The remount from that one was on the double track along the North side of the pond. It was flat and fast. Some loose sections that looked worse than they were. Turn right on the sidewalk then off the edge to another right onto the shore. One big step up and onto a short climb before descending a graded dirt road. Headwinds all the way down. Hard left onto the single track section along the shore then over the road onto the soft and bumpy section. Legs drained climbing the grassy hill. Then twisty downhill with loose turns. A somewhat straight section led up to the steep climb. 15 feet at the top to shift back to the big ring, reclip and steel yourself for the steep drop. A couple loose turns and then up the dirt road for half a mile. 110* right and another 0.1 mile to the finish.

Bigger fields today than yesterday. Here’s the secret thing about this venue. You can pass everywhere. It’s basically a big, overgrown field. They go out and mow the course so you know where to go. It probably gets walked on a lot too so the old route is still findable much later. Other than a few prairie dog holes the dirt is all the same under the grass. Everyone seems to fear getting off the beaten path to plow through 2’ tall weeds. Or worse, at the bottom of the steep descent is a left turn. Lot’s of riders, especially the girls, held onto the brakes all the way down, terrified of running off the trail onto “treacherous” terrain so they lost a lot of time and energy. !, on the other hand, used that knowledge to get by any time ! felt like it. With nearly 60 starters in each race, the first bit of single track was slow going. ! went just off the side and blew by a dozen guys. The long straight after the 2nd barriers was a Jeep road. Two tracks from occasional driving with weeds sticking up in the middle. Often there was a long train of bikes in the left track since it looked smoother and the center strip didn’t look smooth at all. No good reason for me to dink around when there is an open lane. Another dozen guys passed. That trick worked repeatedly if not as effectively on subsequent laps.

My other big advantage/pet peeve is guys who just quit racing before they cross the finish line. So what if you have no shot at winning 3 laps in. You paid to race. Race. Beat everyone you can. Learn to hit it harder and faster. Learn to reach in to your guts and pull out a pass or a sprint or just a bit faster pass through that section. Going balls out and finishing DFL is a better race than toodling into the top 10. It’s all about what you put into it that counts.

! felt good during the first race. ! was worried that ! would still be sore from Saturday and that would slow me down. As always the first two laps really hurt. Then something just clears up and ! can kick it up a notch and not feel as bad. ! really need to get a more thorough warm-up and start on the front row hard. Get those painful laps done before it counts. ! passed a guy in about the worst place on the course and it really cost me. Just over the dirt road into the field is a long uphill grind. It’s loose and bumpy and just sucks your power out. Also, there was a headwind. ! had been on this guys wheel for a little while. Just couldn’t get by him. He hit that and ! had no patience. ! jammed onto the edge of the trail where the dirt was looser still and grunted by him. ! really overdid it and he got back by a little later.

Last lap ! came out of the dirt section onto the final road stretch 100 yards behind 2 guys working together. Half a mile of climbing to the finish. ! had dropping into my little ring after the turn-around before the final straight. This time ! had to hammer it. Out of the saddle. My chances of catching up were slim, but ! was gaining. By the turn ! was 2 lengths behind them and closing. ! kept it in the big ring and went for it. ! knew they would hear me coming and attack. ! was wrong. They were too focused on each other and trying not to jump too early. Screw that strategy crap. ! rode right past them. The faster one was now on MY wheel. They knew what had to be done now. The first one jumped. He was pulling on me. ! jumped. The other guy was not in my peripheral vision, but he was still a threat. ! wasn’t over the line yet. The first guy was out of the saddle, jamming as hard as he could. Unless he just exploded now or fell down, anything less than everything ! could lay down loses this sprint. Even that might not be enough. The other guy was back there somewhere too. Fast guy was still there. His wheel was just ahead of my bottom bracket. Dig, dig, dig. 50 feet to go. ! think every bit of me burned. My eyes were on the line and on his wheel. ! think he’s gaining. One more time to the well. No thinking just attack. This is not about survival. It’s about destruction. One of us will destroy the other. One of us is undoubtedly the most powerful. The fastest. The strongest. Domination, destruction, brute force. No excuses will salvage a loss here. ! must win. What other option was there? 25 feet to the finish. He is still there. ! have 6 inches on him. The other guy could be dead or coming around the other side. No way to tell. ! have to be faster than his best just in case. ! must reach in and pull out a kick that is faster than the fastest that either one can go on his best day under the best conditions. ! must do that today, this instant. NOW. 5 feet to go. Go!!!! Over the line. 2 more hard strokes. Maybe a ¼ of a second passed between us. Probably 6 inches at over 20 mph. ! am victorious.

! rolled up to the pits on momentum. Once ! had both feet on the ground ! slumped over the bars. ! couldn’t find enough air to breathe. 5 liters/gasp was not enough. My eyes fell onto my heart monitor. Still over 170bpm. Maybe 180. Muscle cells desperate for oxygen were rioting. Heart was racing to strip all the O2 from those 5 liters of air and repay my oxygen debt before bankruptcy. That vanquished gladiator was now beside me, hand extended. No longer was he a warrior battling for the last 6 inches. He was here to pay tribute to the one who had bested him. Tribute to me. Without him ! would not, could not have gone that deep. ! took honor from him. Not from his supply. Not to dis-honor him, but newly forged honor. He gained honor as well. Not from his defeat. From his glorious attempt at victory and from his graciousness after the battle. Good man. Jonathan Lane.

We were racing for 44th place. Out of 62 finishers.
1.9 miles/lap. 5 laps. Only lapped by top 2 guys.
9.6 miles. 12.7 avg. 21.5 max. 45:48.
1:00 > 170 bpm 24:33 < 160 bpm 20:15 in between.
My average speed was 0.5 mph faster than yesterday even though my maximum was 7 mph slower.

Race 2.

There was an SUV parked next to me between races. The guy changing shoes noticed ! had a copy of “Cyclocross: Tips and Technique” The classic primer on ‘cross. A gift from Ed. He was one of the photographers for this new and improved edition.

Dr. John was not around. He had hoped to play today. His first ever ‘cross race. Less than 30 minutes to start time. Time to pee and get that final drink. There he was. Over-dressed and not registered yet. ! pointed him in the right direction then pinned his number on. He was last to sign up. He’s wicked fast on a bike. We all know that. He has the power and speed to place high up in the Cat IVs. He is not a ‘cross racer…yet. Time Trialing is not the same as ‘cross. The intensity is not the same as an IM ride. There is a lot to learn. As a first timer and with no warm-up, he decided to start in the back of the pack. Wise move. He can stick on someone’s wheel and watch their lines. Pass when he feels able. 58 started. The road was crowded. ! was in the back too. ! passed up the edge of the road until we got near the turn. Two bikes lying on the ground. Riders OK. One picked up his bike and stepped right in front of me to the side of the road. Move around him and up to the corner. ! was way back. John was still behind me. Onto the edge there ! was flying by guys. Onto the next wider section and guys stronger than me were just starting to sprint out of the cluster. 2 or 3 came by. Up to the long double track section and, again, they were all queued up. Onto the other track and more were behind me. ! tried to pass running over barriers. ! tried to pass riding slow sections. ! tried to pass riding fast sections. If ! could see someone ahead of me ! tried to pass. There were small clusters strewn about the course. Grunt up the slogs a little faster than they did. Push the descents a little faster than they did and soon ! was right behind them. Then ! was past them. Repeat.

! was moving up steadily. One guy was on my ass. He stayed there. The wind was getting stronger. He would draft into the gale. ! was there to work, not to relax, but ! didn’t want this guy taking my finish spot by sitting in all day. ! pulled away whenever ! could. Make him do his own work. Then he would pull right back up to me and worse he would pull ahead each time across the finish line. ! could hold his wheel up the long grade to the first corner. Then ! would jump. ! could not concede the front going into the tight section. If he slowed down in front of me it might cost me the next guy up the road’s position or let the next guy back make contact. It would also be of no consequence to him. Better to suffer for a moment than to allow him to dictate the pace. To be in front meant that if he slowed he would just fall back then fight for my wheel again if he could. Do your own work. He hung on.

Every gap he would close then recover in my draft. ! could outrun him on the fast sections only to have him close in when ! got on the brakes. Last time on the back road, into the wind, he was tucked in. Protected. It was time for him to work. We had a long leg to clear into the wind. ! wanted him to work for me so ! could recover and take him apart at the finish. ! soft-pedaled so he could come around. He slowed down too. ! touched the brakes. He slowed again. He knew what ! was doing and was having none of it. He knew if he didn’t bake me here, now ! would rip his legs off where it counted. He needed everything he could save to have a chance. ! had shown him by doing all the work so far and commanding the pace. Screw it. We caught another guy. ! got on his wheel then decided he was costing me more time than ! wanted to lose. He got onto the narrow section before ! could take him. Into the weeds ! went. My pimple balked. He waited for the wide section to make the pass then climbed back to my wheel. Sheltered again, but we were turning away from the wind. This section was just as steep as what we had just covered, but it always felt easier.

! eased off here and yielded the trail. Not to my enemy. The leader was overtaking. Etiquette requires it. The other guy used my pause to close the gap. Mostly down from here. Twisty and technical. ! had to control. The next obstacle was the steep climb. ! needed to hit it fast to get to the top. ! didn’t know if he would go as fast as ! needed to. If he baubled if front of me ! would stall. He would take the advantage. Unacceptable. ! made the top. So did he. ! wrapped my fingers around the bars in the drops. ! did not cover the brakes. ! was committed to this plummet. The best he could do was match my pace. Every touch on his brakes opened up my gap. Would he choose to stay with me or stay in control? He would answer his fear as would !. Would his reply be obedience or defiance? ! chose defiance.

! glanced over my shoulder as ! got onto the final road section. Still a long way to go, but he was behind. To win ! had to drive on. To attack, break his will, leave him no chance. ! attacked. He conceded. Still ! raced across the line. Only then was ! finished.

35th of 45 finishers. 5 laps. Lapped by only one guy. 9.6 miles. 12.6 avg. ? max. 47:44
6:41 > 170 bpm 34:45 < 160 bpm 6:18 in between. Times are questionable.

Harvest Moon 1/2 IronMan 2007

Yes it’s true. Pete Alfino grabbed my ass. At first ! thought since there were no wetsuit strippers they had butt massagers instead. Or one of my groupies was feeling gropy.

It was a hot day. The hottest it’s been for Harvest Moon ever. Even the water wasn’t bad. ! ran into AJ and Courtney Johnson in the parking lot. AJ was NOT racing. He supposes 3 IMs (Roth, Louisville & Moo) in 10 weeks is some kind of excuse. Courtney sold her picture of Macca winning Roth to Specialized. She was just at Harvest Moon to take more pictures. GQ has been offering her a lot of ca$h to get some good pictures of me for their cover. Speaking of sports photographers, Edwin’s wife is one. Edwin and ! were discussing her in the water. She got some good shots of us pointing at her.

! had a pretty good swim. 2 minutes faster than 5430. Our boy Scott was first out of the water for his wave so his swim was a little faster than mine. Pete Alfino swam for his relay team. He came out of the water just behind me and slapped my ass on the way up to T2. After waiting around for ½ an hour he did Crescent Moon solo and got 2nd overall.

! ran through all of transition barefoot. Not as much fun as a butt massage even if it was Pete. Onto the bike and ! was ready to fly. ! finally have my disk back. Ready to rock. Gravity was having none of it. It kept grabbing me. Mostly by my tummy. ! was nearly to the turnaround when ! saw Michael. He had nearly 3 miles on me. He also had a 5 minute head start plus the time he put on me in the swim. Scott rode by. Then Louis and Paul. Paul continues to impersonate me. ! was 588 for this race so he had to be 488. Coincidence? ! thought ! was moving fast. ! was really moving once ! got onto Watkins road. Then onto Colfax in the sticks. There was an aid station about mile 25. ! was gaining on a slow guy, but not fast enough to get by him before grabbing a bottle of Heed from one of the angels out there. ! really had to slow down. Whilst drafting him at 10mph, ! heard him ask one of the high school girls for Hed. Why he thought they would have race wheels for him, ! have nary a clue. He settled for a bottle of Heed instead.

Even through the aid station ! really needed to pee. Couldn’t quite do it until 8 miles later. A couple squirts from my clear red bottle of water and ! felt better. Probably a lack of social skills. The red bottle had sunlight coming through it flashing red on my ankle. ! was concerned ! was about to get ticketed for going way too fast. Then some little old ladies blew by. The new section of Quincy is really smooth. Too bad it was hilly and a headwind prevailed. All of Quincy is hilly out there. And everyone knows how tough that climb up to the Res. parking lots is. Ouch. Still ! managed 19.9 mph average for 56 miles. Would ! be able to run now? ! always have trouble on that run. ! made it to the first water station. Chug. Run on to the next one. Before ! hit mile 3 ! passed Tim. He’s one of those boulder tri club punks. You may recall him from any of the 5430 races (or the Roth report). He was dressed as Spider Man. We’ve been talking smack for months about this race and now he was walking.

That’s really a lot of pressure. He’s done 7 IronMan races. He could come out of it any time and catch me. Now ! had to keep running to get as big a gap as possible. On to miles 4-5. That’s about when everyone in the club came by going back. Only a few miles ahead of me. And Katrin just out for a jog. 7 or 8 people hollered at me in that area. The guy running just behind me was really impressed. It was probably mostly because of Katrin. “you’re like a celebrity” It’s the RMTC charm.

Parental warning: This is kind of gross so if you don’t have kids you should probably skip to the next paragraph. That took my mind of the blisters festering on my feet. As each aid station came and went ! asked for Vaseline. There was none. By mile eight ! had an idea. They didn’t have any Vaseline either. They did have bananas. ! took a chunk to the bench and peeled off both socks. Squish some banana goo on the balls of each foot. Socks back on carefully to avoid moving the mush away from the targeted zone. It seemed to work pretty well. The blisters were already formed so it wasn’t as effective as if ! had stopped there on the way out.

Oh good. You’re back. Sorry but racing isn’t pretty. ! was feeling better now. Mostly running. Still baking. ! could see black clouds cooling West Denver. None here. Two miles to go. ! can do this. Then the calf cramps. One seized on me. ! walked a few feet to let it settle. It did it again. Then the other one started in. Walk it off. !’ll just run easy and keep my legs straight to hold off the spasms. One mile to go was the dirt section. It wouldn’t have been so bad if not for the undulations. It was short. ! got through it. 1 k to go and both calves were twitching like veal with insight. ! stopped at a tree to stretch them out. ! could see the start of the dirt section. There was Spider Man. He’s running again. Crap!!!!!! Gotta go.

Just a bit more dirt. Bobby was sitting on the edge of the sidewalk. Both calves were rippling now. ! couldn’t stop. ! didn’t think ! could sprint. It was hurting. Bad. It’s all downhill from here and just a couple hundred yards. ! tried to pick up the pace. It wasn’t happening. The finish chute. There was grimacing to be done. ! pushed it in. ! made it. 6:01:55. Not what ! had hoped to do, but ! accomplished my main objective. Spiderman was still two minutes out and isn’t that all that really matters?

During the awards ceremony the clouds finally arrived. Everything cooled off. Then it dumped rain. Torrential rain. Darrin sent the ambulances out to clear the run course. ! went home to drink beer. RMTC rocked. See below for results.




Overall placing out of 322 finishers.
14 4:36:59 590 Smith Matt 2nd in age group
31 4:56:11 458 Kelly Scott 6th in age group
44 5:06:26 488 Majors Paul 9th in age group
50 5:12:04 524 Nixon Jonathan 9th in age group
52 5:12:46 582 Shuba Louis 11th in age group
107 5:38:40 371 De Seguin Michael 6th in age group
111 5:41:44 591 Smith Molly 4th in age group
154 6:01:55 588 Smith Doug!! 27th in age group
167 6:06:55 530 Ooms Edwin 33rd in age group
297 8:56:54 345 Carter Karen 10th in age group


THUNDERSTORM 23 runners pulled off the course
305 337 Buffington Ashley

The Crescent Moon results don’t show club affiliations so ! don’t know who all we had there. Out of 188 finishers only 1 took longer than my bike ride.



Based on my split rankings it is obvious that the run is my weak leg. ! was 154th overall. The guy who placed 131st (my swim rank) was 10:44 faster than me. The guy who placed 103rd (my bike rank) was 24:18 faster than me and would have moved me up 2 positions in the RMTC rankings. The guy who was 204th (my run rank) 28:19 slower than me. If ! could have managed 9 minute miles ! would have been 36 minutes faster. That would have made me 77th overall right between 2 Athenas and 14 minutes better than my PR. Must work on the run.

RattleSnake Triathlon 2 days of speed

Saturday Olympic
! was up at 3 am both days remembering Danskin and 5430 half. ! didn’t leave until 5:30 though. It was plenty of time to get there. Traffic flowed smoothly into the park. Jeff Carroll racked his bike next to me for luck. He was going to need it. He’s in great shape and all of course, but this is racing. Training means nothing. It’s all about the luck. There was some confusion about start times since it was a TT start. Jim had it all under control and we got off on time. Charley was working the start line and kept things flowing. There was a large flock of RMTCs out there. Trish and Jocelyn were out of the res. before ! went in.

Saturday’s swim was kind of confusing. Run in swim to the far buoy and turn around. The girl in the pink kayak was holding the rope up to swim under. Swim back to the start on the other side of the rope. Run onto the beach, around the giant X and back in where you started with all the others who were just starting. Second time to the far buoy don’t go under the rope. Turn and head to the other giant X on the other end of the beach. Half way through the 4th leg ! spotted someone swimming a good pace to draft. Before that ! would draft as ! was overtaking little old ladies or they would blow by me. ! jumped on his feet and whacked him in the leg. Probably annoyed him some. Then ! started getting next to him. Sleeveless wetsuit and RMTC jersey poking out. It was Michael. If ! was hanging with Michael ! knew ! was moving having a good swim. All the way up the beach to the strippers. ! don’t remember having strippers when ! was in high school. Then up the sidewalk to T1. Michael was just ahead.

Not too far out on the park road we had the extra section. Out and back so ! could check the gap. Jeff Carroll was only 8 tenths ahead. Michael was close behind. Back on the park road and down to Quincy. The cones on the corner were awfully close. There was a girl in front of me and a guy from the San Francisco Tri Club in between us. She slowed down a lot. The guy slowed down. ! slowed down. No room to pass. The cops should have stopped the truck farther up the road to keep the corner clear. ! accelerated out onto Quincy and the SF tri guy started chasing me. It’s a good thing ! had the new shorts on instead of the see-through ones. He held on for a mile until ! finally got away. Next time ! looked behind ! saw 3 guys gaining on the climb. Kevin was one of them. First tri ever and he’s already made up a bunch of time. He averaged 1.3 mph faster than me. ! was only 23 minutes into the ride. Only 54 minutes to go. ! would have to hunt him down on the run.

Quincy was out and back so another chance to check gaps. Jeff Carroll had gained some ground. Damn him. Then Tanner came up on my wheel. ! wasn’t about to let him out climb me. He does weigh more than ! do for the time being. ! jumped and got over the top first. Then he got by. Roberta was sitting by the entrance to T2 and greeted me with a rousing “is that all you’ve got?” It was all ! had plus some that belonged to a few others.

10k is a long, long way to run. !’m not even sure it’s possible to run that far. ! was watching my pace. It was pretty good. 8s ! recall. Then the 2nd half mile started. Keep on pushing. It was hard. ! tried grabbing water as ! went through aid stations without walking. It works. It’s just not very relaxing. ! had to keep going. Prior to the last aid station going out ! was plodding along. By now ! had decided it was best to walk the aid stations. ! was walking. ! could see the aid station. ! didn’t want to miss it. JC was on her way back and chastised me for walking. ! maced her. Never walk when people can see you. If you’re tired carry mace. ! started into the loping again until she was out of site then went back to hiking. ! didn’t want to blow by that aid station. No cots so ! continued on to the turn-around. Back to the aid station. It had been awhile. They had all forgotten about me. Most of the volunteer kids had grown up gotten married and were now out there with their own kids. From here it was all downhill except for the climbs and flat parts.

Amazing as it seems ! made it all the way back. Charley was chagrinned by my slow pace and told me. ! sprinted for the line. High school kids don’t study physics any more. If you only weigh 110 pounds and 195 pounds of wheezing, gasping sweaty muscles is coming at you very rapidly downhill with eyes crossed, arms flailing and an empty thought bubble trying to hang on it would behoove you to step out of the way. ! nearly killed two of them. That concrete post didn’t have a hay bale on it.

5th in my age group was a thrill. ! told everyone. Jordan was confused by my skepticism. His girlfriend beat my by several minutes. ! checked the results later to get my actual placing. 17th age group. 110th of 408 overall. The back-to-back people got the low numbers so ! started 30 or more minutes before most of my age group.


Sunday Sprint

Michael and Jeff Carroll beat me to transition this morning and Jeff Carroll got my spot from yesterday. ! just moved over one and got ready. A bunch of RMTC were doing the Crazy Back-to-Back and they were all here today. Then there were some who were just doing this one. Overall RMTC was well represented both day. Racing, volunteering and just spectating. Charley was out to play today too. Lucky for us Charley can’t run (like he used to). Yon got hold of the microphone and was directing the action.

! missed my appointed start time. It didn’t matter due to the TT start. ! just queued up with the old women and ran in. The swim was much shorter today. Only 500 meters. ! was going to push it. ! was going to push the whole race as hard as ! could. Katrin and Denny were on the beach on my way up to the strippers. ! got to the little girls. They were standing around me cheering. ! thought they were the strippers so ! asked. ! got on the ground and lost nearly 10 minutes while they fought over which of them would get to strip me. !’m used to it.

T1 was much like Saturday. Same bike. Same gear. The course was the same except half as long. ! saw 3 bikes up front coming back Jocelyn was one of them. Then a long gap to the rest. Kevin didn’t pass me today. Jeff Carroll then Michael then Charley. ! was pushing a lot harder than yesterday. It really hurt. Charley thinks training might help me some. Out and back was a blur. ! recall the girl with the blonde dreadlocks getting by. Mostly ! couldn’t think.

Onto the run course. My strategy was just to go. It’s only 5k. It’ll hurt, but it will be over quick. ! kept pushing. ! was wondering where our fast guys were. ! was well into the run when Charley came flying by. He was now out front. ! was concentrating on just going. Pushing the pace. Don’t back off. ! didn’t wear the heart monitor since it would just tell me ! was suffering. It was pretty obvious. Jeff Carroll was up next. Less than a mile ahead of me. Michael was hurting. When Michael hurts he still goes fast. ! made it to the turn. Now ! just had to make it back. ! was even more tempted to back off now. ! could walk. ! could slow down a little. ! could cut the intensity. ! pushed through those thoughts. ! grabbed Gatorade and dumped water on myself. The bad thoughts were still there. ! must banish them. Try not to think about anything. The final aid station. ! hadn’t stopped running hard the whole way. ! grabbed a cup of water and dumped it on me. The cup hit the ground before ! was out to the aid station territory. My only thoughts now were when should ! swing my number around front and when should ! zip up my jersey. It all needs to be done before the final sprint, but late enough to avoid being annoyed by the number and overheated. Here? No, not yet. Here? No. Speaking of annoying. Some of the volunteers had noisemakers and were beating out a steady rhythm near the start of the run. For some reason ! was barely tolerating the racket.

Last corner. It’s time to zip and twist. ! picked up the pace just a bit. ! could see Paul in Denny’s gold jump suit and blue fro. Denny was with him. 200 meters to go. They wanted me to sprint. ! always have to give the fans what they want. 200 meters is a really long sprint. ! was at 100 yd dash pace. ! couldn’t slow down now. ! was nearly to the final straight. 100 meters to go. Downhill. Now ! really had to push it more. ! was already all out. ! was looking for something else. That something was gravity. By this point ! was hoping ! could keep getting my feet in front of me fast enough to keep from crashing. ! could have hung with Jordan and Kevin doing striders. There was nothing going through my head now.

The high school kids stepped out of my way. They had positioned small tubs of wristbands just behind them. !’d like to say ! leapt over them, but the clearance would have made a Japanese auto engineer gape in awe. ! didn’t slow down because ! knew ! was done. ! slowed down because there was nothing left. A golf cart was parked just ahead of me. ! grabbed it and got on the seat. The finish volunteers brought me water and took my chip. ! couldn’t stop them. Whatever my max heart rate is is where ! was for the next 5 minutes. ! was sucking up air as fast as ! could. It wasn’t fast enough. My chest was heaving so hard it was putting me into oxygen debt. A breeze. Ram air is just what ! needed. Recovery was possible. ! was only 16 minutes slower than the overall winner. 1:12:49.6 or so. 15th in my age group. Ouch.

! got the coolest belt buckle of anyone. Take that Jeff Carroll.

5430 Half

!’ve read that recovering from an IronMan lets you absorb a whole lot of fitness from that workout. Maybe the 7 month taper ! put in prior to the race. And the altitude training ! did. Last week ! “trained low and slept high” The low was on the beach in Alabama and the high was the 4th floor condo 100 yards away. ! did a 5k jog on Tuesday and spent the rest of the time hurling my 6 year old nephew across the pool. A couple jet ski sessions rounded out the speed work.

The plane touched down a little after 4pm Saturday and ! had a party to get to. ! also had to be up at 3 the next morning to get to the res. to pick up my packet. It’s still dark out. ! chatted with Spiderman (yeah, we know each other. It’s a superhero thing) and Roberta (yeah, ! know her). She was up to volunteer since Paul was racing. ! thought ! was really early. Not. There was a long line outside transition to get my arms and calves tickled. That’s still my favorite part of the day.

The team was all over transition. Charley and Brett had snuck in somehow even though they were just there as TnT coaches. Denny couldn’t make it. ! suppose he was still in bed dreaming of pony rides. The big deal about this race was the TnT group. Mary Carey decided to put together a ½ IM gang. Every one of them made it to the finish. ! would say that experiment was a success. Mary didn’t race. She’s working on getting some hardware in the 0-4 age group. She loves ½’s until mile 8 on run. Then they suck. ! was pretty excited at mile 8. Longest run !’ve done in a long time. 10 mile trail run w/ Brett and Michael was the longest since January.

In the water ! found Len who has mostly been MIA since his IM last year. ! hate Len. He’s always right where ! want him until late in the run. As soon as ! fall apart he goes on by. Did ! mention ! hate him? On the line we were staring into the sun. ! could see 50 feet ahead of me. The first buoy was farther out than that. !’ll just follow the fast guy with the welding mask.

And they’re off. There were 2 guys right in front of me and 94 more pairs of arms right behind. Of course ! had my fastest swim ever. Still the pummeling went on. Eventually ! found my spot. Big enough for me. ! was drafting the same guy for a while. ! couldn’t see him. He was clearly into barefoot trail running. If his decomposing corpse is found they’ll ID him by his callous feet instead of dental work. ! always knew it was him. ! went out fast just to survive. Then settled into a faster than usual cruise pace. Two minutes faster than last year. A few of the swimmers from the wave after me got by, but none behind them. That’s partly because ! was in the next to last wave. There were even bikes still in T1 when ! got there.

T1 is just about the lowest point on the whole bike course. That means there is a 10.5 mile grind to the highest point on the course. ! just wasn’t feeling it for the first few miles. 3 miles in ! heard someone shouting my name. No sirens so ! wasn’t sure just what was going on. It was Matt. His swim “sucked”. He was slower than me so he was right. Must have gotten lost out there. Near the top of the climb ! found something and blasted over the last rise. Then onto that really smooth, fast road. 48.2 mph. Around and around we went. ! moved pretty well until ! came upon the aid station at mile 20/47. ! nearly had to stop both times. Bikinis. Roberta was marshalling bikes at the turn-around. She was very explicit in her instructions as ! approached. Using her outdoor voice and her pointing instrument to make sure ! knew to turn around. Some of us need that personal attention. ! know how Paul feels when it’s time to take out the trash.

T2 came along and ! was concerned. My quads wanted to cramp for the last 5 miles of the ride. Would ! be able to run? Would ! be able to play piano after the operation? ! couldn’t do either before. The 3rd pro was coming in. Under 4 hours. He had a 27 minute head start. If ! could pull out a 26 minute ½ marathon ! would make the podium. That’s just 30 mph. Surely ! could run that fast. !’ve done two 8-mile runs recently so ! wanted to get at least that far before walking. ! started off feeling pretty good and backed off the pace a bit to make it last. ! was doing a little better than 10 minute miles. Even @ that pace ! could PR. If ! could hold it. There was that damn hill. First aid station. ! calculated that ! would be 8 miles in next time ! got there. ! can do that. Surely ! can. Just keep moving. On and on. ! walked the aid stations. Only from the first Gatorade waitress to the next water waitress and just far enough to get it drunk and dumped on my head. Back to running.

This was not as bad as ! had feared. Just keep running. There was ice. Charley and Brett were out riding the course backward to cheer TnT on. They never saw me walk. Passing the boat lot now and still running. Not fast, but moving in a running like fashion. There’s Steve. ! think it’s Steve. He’s walking and people can see him. Something was wrong. He DNFed. On ! went. !’m on lap 2 now. My goal is the next aid station. There was a couple ahead walking. ! told them they should hold hands if they were going to walk around the res. They started running again. The goal aid station. ! made it. One of the waitresses approached me with a wet towel and slapped it on my chest. It was icy cold and ! was stunned. She was confused. Thought ! didn’t like it. ! was confused. !’m a triathletes. ! can keep going. ! was already at 9.17 miles. My longest run since January was 10 miles with Brett and Michael before Roth. ! can make it another mile. There’s Brett now. ! can chat too. We chatted for a bit until ! remembered ! was in the middle of a project. ! have a really short attention span. Time to run on. And on. The long, straight, hot section was nearly over. ! can do this. Just through the next aid station ! heard someone cheer for Jocelyn. ! know Jocelyn. But not that one. The real Jocelyn was done, recovered and into her next workout. This was another one. There were 3 Jocelyns out there. ! had just enough sugar left in my brain to be skeptical of having her behind me 10 miles into the run. Much like the sensation you get when a politician talks. It took another ½ mile to quantify those misgivings.

It was by now the hottest part of the day. 94 degrees ! hear. Certain Death Canal still didn’t have the appeal of last year. Nor did the plague section along the dam. ! was still moving. Calves wanted to cramp up. Keep running. If they lock they lock. No point giving in to a threat. My feet hurt. Oh swell. And a blister was starting up. Keep running. ! walked a bit here and there. Less than a mile total. ! was pretending to be in shape. Last aid station coming up. Some one is yelling “out of my way” That damn Len. 1.5 miles to go and ! hurt. That’s his plan. And he was running well. Then he was gone.

Keep on running. There was the romantic walking couple again. The guy was walking behind. She had gapped him. ! told him he should pick up the pace before she started holding hands with a guy who walks faster than him. Keep running.

! was off the damn dam. Onto the blacktop. It still looked like a long way to go. It was downhill. ! was running now and you could tell (barely). Then there were people along the road. Zipper up. Number front. Hammer. Can ! go faster? ! can. ! did. Get around the back markers. The fans mistook me for someone who was running. ! heard my name. ! saw the icy water tub. And it was over. They wanted to repo my chip. ! saw the water tub. ! advised the girls to move to a safe place and the bitter cold engulfed my torso. !’ll drink a Gatorade instead.

! took 11:48 off last year’s time. Slower on the bike and slower transitions. Swim and run faster.


Matt 05:33:45
Katrin 05:09:58
Jordan 04:24:36
Jocelyn 04:50:40
Marcus 05:23:47
Steve DNF
Rick the Clydesdale 06:03:50
Doug 04:54:33 Fastest of 12 Dougs
Doug!! 05:55:00 7th of 12 Dougs
Paul 05:02:15 3rd of 12 Dougs
Brian 05:48:46
Len 05:52:52
Bobby 05:13:39

Average time 5:22 puts us @ 279th of 884 or top 32%. 11 spots ahead of Marcus. ! guess he’s an average RMTC guy and he still got whooped by all our girls.

Only 4 of our times are slower than my PR for this distance.

You get this kind of statistical analysis because !’m a Numberjack. And ! don’t have social life to get in the way.

Cabbage Head Du 2007

RMTC was well represented today. Three, count ‘em three series winners in the Mile High Duathlon Series.

We’ll start with Jocelyn. Second at Barkin’ Dog and last Elite girl at Big Sky owing to her flat tire. She got it fixed and finished the race. That got her some points toward the series. Never quit. Then a big win running away today. She really felt fast with her new Zipps from nationals. Imagine how fast she’d have gone if they had been the right size and not just in the garage. Her nemesis, Sunny Gilbert, couldn’t be bothered to come race today. She had to attend a wedding. It was unclear who’s wedding it was. Anyone who would plan their wedding for a race day and demand that you come is not a real friend. She’ll probably end up divorced. Sunny should know better than to schedule her own wedding on a race day. If it was her she’s totally lost her focus. Probably taking up smoking too.

Jocelyn was wise enough to plan her wedding for the weekend following 5430 ½ last year. She was going to use that week to adjust her tan lines. That does mean she’s married and Kevin, her husband, was participating today. His first Duathlon, starting 2 minutes behind the Mrs., he nearly ran her down. He lost time churning out the 18 mile ride on his hybrid with tiny gears, but ran his heart (and lungs) out. He scored some real points by making sure to be there for her 1st win.

Put that anniversary on your calendar ‘cause you’re getting that new super duper carbon race bike with some cool Zipps underneath. It won’t be sitting next to the bed when you wake up that morning. You have to prove that you remembered. A card and some flowers should do the trick. If you keep the dishes and garbage taken care of ‘til then maybe even an aero helmet too.

Kathy Alfino won her age group today just like in the other two races. Kathy joined RMTC along with her husband, Pete last year. Her race results and the results of their triathletes they coach have improved markedly since then !’m sure. Pete got 4th in his age group. Michael was hunting him most of the last run. Just being around Charley will either make you go faster of paint your bike aqua.

And, finally, Big Al Marvin. Once again won his age group to take winners points back to the nursing home. It’s a tough bunch he’s battling with. Sparks fly as they bump back and forth with those walkers and you don’t even want to get near them on the bike when they’re squirting each other with the catheter bags. Part of the reason those guys are so fast is the straight oxygen they are breathing. Al’s upgraded to a high flow valve on his. Maybe ! wasn’t supposed to say anything about that. Oops.

Michael was parked illegally in front of my house at 6 this morning. We loaded up gear as my creepy neighbor looked on. A mix of disgust (he loathes me so) and jealousy since know one ever comes to visit him, but the UPS guy and his social worker. Neither of them are as cool as anyone in RMTC. Michael did well, pulling out 4th in his age group in his first du. He was trying to chase down Al. Just didn’t quite make it. Michael did put the hurt on Al last week in Loveland however. It was really hot out. Out on I-76 we passed a girl that Michael knew from some running events. He pulled up next to her. She looked over at me and we were a couple rednecks out drinkin’ PBRs and listenin’ to 8-tracks.

Michael managed to beat Steve Lynn who had bad karma for the pain he inflicted on me after Big Sky.! always try to whip Steve or find a good excuse. This time it was due to insufficient recovery from Roth just 13 days ago. And ! had spokes on my back wheel.

Steve Kovisto finally showed up for one of these races. You may have noticed that Darrin put his picture up on the series web site. Fourth place in his age group. A really tough age group ! might add.

Tanner made 42nd overall with solid performances in all three legs. To celebrate Jackpot day (7.7.7) he pulled off 7th Elite male and was only beaten by one of the Elite girls. That would be Jocelyn. ! don’t recall seeing Jocelyn in Roth. Maybe that’s what it was. Not even 2 weeks after the fastest Ironman of anyone in the club he’s racing all out in heat and beating nearly 200 short course racers and relay teams.

Speaking of Roth and Relay teams. Rudy rep. Craig Mintzloff and his wife Theresa came out to play today. Both of them did Roth. Craig planned carefully for today. All his gear ready to go. Well hydrated and on time. He unloaded his bike and found, well didn’t find, pedals. Quickly recalibrating their plans they formed a relay team for a fourth place finish out of 9 teams. They probably would have made 1st or 2nd had they been RMTCers. Still they are a ray of hope for all those who can’t quite make it to our club.

RMTC was mostly 1st or 4th on the day. That’s kind of dull so ! went along to add some variety. Michael drove. ! had him pull over out on the plains to drain off a pot of coffee. There is one really happy tree on the roadside. It probably won’t sleep tonight with all that caffeine. Since Roth ! went out to do one run. 0.2 miles and ! was wasted. Not a confidence builder. My strategy today was to not blast off the front on the first 5k only to blow up 1k in. ! took it easy. What would have been easy for anyone else. ! wanted to run the whole course. 7:50 average is pretty decent for me.

A few problems in T1. My shoes were clipped in for Roth and my feet just fell into them so ! tried it again. No such luck. ! was out to the main road before ! was actually cranking. Onto the 1st leg of the Y ! saw Jocelyn and noted my distance. A bit of math at the turn around put her 4.6 miles ahead of me. ! could compare that to her lead when ! hit the 2nd turn around. Next came Tanner, Al, Michael and some other people. Coming back on that leg was a slight tailwind. A couple extra mph. The next leg sent us back into what wind there was. Jocelyn was still way in front. My calculations gave her about 1/10 of a mile bigger gap. Then came Tanner and Kevin. Kevin was churning away. No aero bars. He knew his responsibility out there. If Jocelyn flats or has any bike issues parts would come off his to get her rolling again.

! didn’t cramp this time. ! got close and backed off just enough. It hurt though. Coming up to the second turnaround, ! got behind a girl who took the turn a lot slower than ! would have. 20 feet later ! was by her. 5 seconds lost. My disk wheel is in Memphis for repairs. ! was using an old round-spoked wheel. Still ! was going to push fast as ! could. Then the girls started going past on their way out. ! think my aero helmet is more aero when it isn’t sideways. Just so you know, Jocelyn only beat me by 5 seconds on the bike. She had the good wheels, no Roth lethargy, power to the pedals right out of transition. No pokey girls in front of her and she didn’t have to gawk at the rest of the ladies on the road. All that combined probably cost me 5 minutes.

Into T2 and my feet were already starting to ache. The heat had arrived. Not the cops. The guy with the “police” helmet was an easy 5 mph slower than me. ! was well into the run by the time he got off his bike. No the temperature was way up there. Close to 90*. Just 5k to run. ! took it easy. Just a nice, steady pace. Some people passed me. Some couldn’t keep up. ! kept focused and continued on. A guy from Ohio came up next to me. ! explained race strategy. A moderate pace will get you stuck in a pack of some of the faster chicks. The best looking ones. Adjust your pace to stay in that sweet spot. On the bike you can get as close as 3 lengths behind them. He thought it was 4. He’ll be much happier in his next race. The girls here are way better looking than those Ohio girls. He faded just before the turnaround. ! was really hurting now. The temptation to walk was strong. ! walked just enough to chug 2 cups of water, but then it was back to it. Passed another guy. Keep the pace up. Keep moving. ! pulled it off. Only 5 or 6 steps walking. Craig gave me a cup of water and then got me another. It was a genuine Rudy Project cup. “Technically Cool Water” 1:40:47. 13th out of 20 and 92nd of 238 overall. ! beat every female over 50.

This was the final event in the series and it was breakfast time. Eggs, shredded potatos, tomatos and cheese on a tortilla. Then home for a nap. A grand time was had by all. !’m glad ! don’t have anything else to do today. RESULTS are up already

Quelle Challenge Roth Teil zwei Die Folge

Rick the Clydesdale has graciously offered to convert this report into a screenplay. Nick Cage keeps calling wanting to do something based on my life. He (Nick not Rick) tells people he looks like me all the time.

Ok race fans. When we left off ! was just coming out of the water. Matt was the only one in my wave so he was probably getting on his bike by now. Up the ramp a bit and a left turn for a 100 yard dash to the changing tent. All the T1 bags were lain out in 4 rows by number. Mine was in the very first batch so ! knew would need to take my time wobbling out of the canal to get my sleeves off before ! got my bag. ! had, somewhat optimistically, made sure to put the drawstring on top of the bag so ! could have something to grab onto as ! sprinted by. ! wasn’t quite up to sprint pace when ! got there but ! did pass a guy on route to the tent. ! threw my stuff on the table and sat down to finish peeling. A volunteer came over to assist. Surprisingly Melissa was not hanging out in the tent. She seems to have an affinity for naked men. ! had all my gear out. First step, turn on the Garmin. It sprung to life and found satellites instantly. One worry down. The volunteer brought me wasser to wash down ibuprofen and Imodium. ! sorted through the stuff ! wanted and didn’t want. Arm warmers had been recommended so ! had them. ! was pretty sure ! wouldn’t need them even if it had been the coldest ! had felt the entire week there. Set them aside. Grabbed my socks and ran out.

The bikes were parked in a field and it was damp from all the rain. ! was parked closest to one of the exits so ! strapped on my helmet and ran to the pavement, laid my bike down and put my socks on. Shoes were already clipped in and the first few yards were flat. ! was in my shoes before ! got to the highway. The first turn put us on a nice descent then into the S’s. A few well patched potholes. ! took it a little easy after being horizontal in the water. ! didn’t want to get horizontal in someone’s yard. Next up was the Bier mile. A little village. All the streets were lined with tables and the locals were having bier and yelling. Every village had 2 or 3 corners. Kind of like a criterium. ! was concerned on the drive that the mobs would make the tight corners sketchy. Turns out there was no one from Moonlight Classic hammering through with me. ! had to yell “linke” (left) a few times, but mostly the apexes were clear. Did ! mention the crowds went wild? Come through towns fast and they go wild. Especially if you are passing. They were lined up on the curbs. The kids would stick their hands out and ! would slap them as ! went by.

First aid station was at the edge of town and bottles of “eeesso” were there for the taking. Just past that was special needs. ! didn’t see anyone and didn’t need anything so ! just kept going. There were little towns like that every 5-10k. Also people would come out in the “suburbs” and on the climbs to cheer. The climbs were steep but short. Most of them had an announcer and 80s music blasting. Mix that with screaming fans and you have a recipe for wheelies. ! did the best ! could. They loved it. In some places kids would hold their hands out on the left side of the road. If you dive across the road just to high five some kids the crowds went wild. Especially if you accelerated to do it. ! couldn’t talk to the other guys around me since they all had funny sounding names and spoke some foreign language. That and they didn’t have the lungs to talk at the pace ! was going. One of those guys kept leap frogging me. He could climb better, but couldn’t get up to my cruising speed. His name was Axel. Axel had a scraggly beard and an ancient steel road bike with toe clips. ! finally dropped him.

By now we had settled into a rhythm and knew who was going at the same pace. ! was attacking pretty hard through the towns and on the climbs so backing off to recover was necessary. At one point ! was just getting to breathing normal again. There were 5 or 6 of our group strung out in front of me. Another guy came up behind me, said “you are fast. Don’t slow down” in broken English and pushed my butt. That was fortuitous. ! was up out of the saddle, gripping the cow horns and hammering. Just as ! was passing the front guy of our gang ! hit another hamlet. ! was really haulin’ ass and once again the crowds went wild. ! didn’t even hurt at that pace. Most of the first half of each lap was into the wind. Which meant the back half would be tail winds. Just the opposite of what ! had been expecting. We were out into a fairly long exposed segment so ! just stayed down and pushed. The fans were thin out here in the farm land. No one to blow kisses to. Grind, grind, grind and there is the sign.

The sign that ! had feared. GREDING!!!! Greding was a climb. Up 100 meters in just 3k then it got easy. Another 50 meters of elevation over the next 2k. Our turn off the main road was sharp and a slight grade to lose momentum. Then another hard left to get rid of the rest. And the road just turned up. It curved a couple times so you couldn’t see the summit. ! dropped down to my granny gear and just let the climbers go by. A few wheelies and then some more when ! got in sight of the announcer. ! wasn’t really losing much time to the fast guys. Several would go by. ! kept my pace steady and spun as easy as ! could in 42x23. Finally grinding over the top a little descent and mostly flat. About the time ! recovered there was another sharp little bump and a family standing by to cheer. ! had to attack. ! felt great and just blasted over the bump. It was downhill from there. Slight, but still. .. ! saw no reason to scrub off the speed ! had gained on that attack so ! just picked up my cruising speed.

Another fortuitous event. Cruising fast on the long open straight the marshal came alongside. The guy who had just struggled past me must have been drafting for a while. They had a chat. He slowed down and ! passed him back ! had to cut between him and the motor to pass on his left. Not long after a truck came by with a clock on the back. It was about 4 hours. ! was really confused. ! figured it was race time and ! should subtract 1:05 from it to get my time. ! was still confused. Then another motor came by. And then some dude passed going a bit faster than me with 2 guys chasing him. The front guy’s ass said Macca and he had 50 yards on me now. ! wasn’t too impressed with his speed so ! jumped on just as we started into the technical descent. ! looked at my mileage. There were some back markers to deal with. Linke, linke. Enter the corners wide, hit those apexes, exit wide and set up for the next. Macca was still only 50 yards ahead. ! started cranking out of the corners. ! thought for a moment That ! might be able to catch him. He’s really good though. ! couldn’t close that 50 yards for 5k. Then we started up hill and off they went. 5k with Macca on his way to his 4th straight win. He must have been running scared knowing ! was back there.

Back into the open. It was hot and a false flat. ! hadn’t really had anyone to talk to. They all had funny names. There were a lot of foreigners out there. Like Jose’. He was riding an Orbea. Obviously he was from Spain and expecting to get rained on out on the plains. No. He was French. We had a ways to go before Solarer Berg hill. ! was coming up a little climb and saw one of the white Roth jerseys that everyone with TTE had. Except for me. ! wasn’t sure who it was. He wasn’t nearly wide enough to be Tanner. Tanner would have had to have blown up spectacularly to be there anyway. ! read the name. Darin. Still ! had no idea who it was. ! pulled up next to him. It was Tinger. ! had to see the scruff to recognize him. My brain wasn’t working so well. ! was doing all my thinking with my legs. We chatted for a bit and off ! went.

Looks like a town up ahead. Oh it’s Hilpoltstein. Solarer Berg hill. The fans were thick. There was a narrow line up the middle. Some guy jumped in front of me and slowed way down. ! couldn’t get by and now ! was taking it easy. A chance to look around at the girls. Oooo la la. One in a bikini top. ! looked at her and put my finger on my cheek. She planted one right there. ! was tingling more that if ! had touched Jeff Carroll. Over the top and we were heading back past the schwimmen venue to start lap two. ! was building speed and into the bier mile on the gas. The fans, once again, went nuts. Cheering and pounding their steins on the tables. ! knew Christine and everyone in special needs would know ! was on my way. Wave and blow kisses to the fans. Hop the train tracks. Grab more eeeso. Schnell, schnell. Let’s do it all again.

The mobs were still out. 10 or 15 miles into ronde 2 ! saw the fairy ahead. ! was hoping to sneak up on her and swat her butt, but a truck decided to stop right behind her as she entered a section with a median. ! just yelled over at her and rode on. ! was hearing strange noises and feeling some drag whenever ! stood up to hammer. At mile 75 ! pulled over to see what was amiss. My disk was having issues. It would easily wobble from brake pad to pad. This is not good. Just a few miles to Greding again and ! was going to have to stay in the saddle all the way up. There was a Mavic support van past the steep section so ! was hoping ! could get it fixed or a trade. ! sure wasn’t going to quit unless it just collapsed on me. Mavic does wheel support in le Tour and other big races. They don’t speak so good the English. By the time ! got to them ! had convinced myself the axle was broken. The skewer was holding it together. Still 35 miles on that wasn’t something ! had fantasized about. They agreed it was not in good shape and advised me to stay seated to the finish. ! asked for a trade. They looked but only had 650 rears. ! was SOL. They did give me a push to get going again. Soon ! was over the top and rolling the flats. Every motor that came by ! asked about the Mavic motor. No info.

Nothing broke any worse. There’s the turn into T2 and there was the chick that kissed me on Solarer Berg hill. She acted like she didn’t even know me. After that magic moment ! thought we had something special. Feet out of the shoes and coasting in. There were volunteers to catch bikes. ! dismounted and sent her rolling into the arms of a teenager and ran for the tent. Bike time 5:57:21 including the stops. 19 mph avg.

There were T2 bags to sort through. ! found a spot on a bench and peeled off my shorts. ! had peed big time in them twice and didn’t want to run in them now. One of the volunteer gals asked if ! needed any sunscreen. Take that kissy chick. ! put on my running shorts, changed socks, new shoes, hat and shades. Off ! went. Oh wait. Trail mix. !’ll go back for a snack. Now off ! went.

My plan was to walk the aid stations and run the rest as far as ! could. They seemed to be spaced every kilometer. My feet were swelling when ! ran. When ! walked the aid stations they started to feel swell again. We were in the woods about 2k out when ! saw the lead girl go by. Then Belinda Grainger. About 4k we got to the landing. At that point the course split into two out and back loops about 10 miles each. That was the only place they had outhouses and ! had a full bladder. One was open so ! ran in. The lock wouldn’t engage so ! closed it as best ! could and hoped no one would try to come in. It was the one on the end and the corner was not supported. It rocked when ! shifted my weight. So ! rocked it. Clearly it was not available. The fans went wild. This is Christine’s favorite story from the whole race. Out ! came. Cheers all around.

Onto the canal trail for miles and miles. The swelling wasn’t subsiding when ! walked the aid stations anymore. It felt like my shoes were about to burst. And there was Katrin. On her way back. Calculations indicated she was about 7 miles ahead of me. Susan was up next. Looking strong. Then came Matt and Tinger. Somewhere along that trail ! discovered the gesture to whip up the fans. Off the trail into a little village. The aid station had an announcer and 80s music. Yeah, yeah. It was good stuff too. ! had to dance. We looped through town and headed back out. There was Melissa the fairy again. She swatted me on the ass with her wand. ! ran on.

Back onto the trail ! saw the crazy Cajuns. Mark and Smitty. Smitty is quite a character. The best way to describe him is half of Denny. Half his size and half as mature. He makes up for it with drinking super powers as Macca would find out Monday night. According to Tanner, Smitty just about out drank the whole bar. Macca was concerned and probably was really hung over Tuesday. Macca called Smitty’s girlfriend back in Louisiana to tell her Smitty was crazy. !’m sure she knew already.

About mile ten ! stopped at an aid station and saw what ! thought was a bier bottle. ! was correct and asked for a cup. Mmmmmmm. Now my feet were really in pain. ! was walking more than just aid stations. ! tried to run when the fans were about. ! had to get them frenzied. Finally the landing again. ! was about half way.! Started out the canal trail the other way. Susan was still running into the aid station coming back. She had 4k to go. ! had 20k to go. Katrin was well ahead. On and on ! went. We turned into another hamlet and back tracked. More 80s hits. More dancing. Matt was looking strong. Tinger was still moving. ! told him Susan had just finished. ! was probably close to right. More dancing. They played We are the Champions. ! started to sing then realized the embassy probably wouldn’t help me so ! stopped.

! was walking a lot now. A turnaround and it’s slightly downhill. Much better. More dancing. The crowds went wild. Back to the trail. Three Germans came up while ! was walking. They would have none of that. They wanted to pace the superstar in. They were fans. ! ran. The strong one sprinted ahead and started running backwards with his camera. He nearly flattened another guy walking. ! stayed with them as far as ! could then sent them on. ! really should have trained for this. My calf was starting to feel a little tight. So were Kristin from Chicago’s. ! went back and forth with her and chatted. ! was running faster, but not as far as her. ! got through the aid station on the landing. 4k to go. Around the corner ! found 6 fans. ! instructed them to cheer for Kristin. They did. On we went. ! passed a guy who told me it was 8 o’clock. That was an hour earlier than ! thought it was. ! was going to hit about 13 hours. Through the woods and back onto the road. It was close. ! couldn’t tell where.

! could see about 100 meters ahead. No real indications that it was nearly over. The fans were thickening. There was a mat. ! sprinted. More to go. An arch over the entrance to the stadium. ! sprinted. More to go. The bleachers were full. Just to the other end. ! worked the crowd all the way to the end. Where is that carpet going? Across the stadium. Ok. Just a bit more. ! can do that. There’s a jumbotron. The carpet turned again. Crap. One more length of the stadium. Work the crowds. Ziel. Finally. A medal. A bier. Time to take a shower. 13:02:14

It was 8:30 when ! finished. It was a long time after that that it got dark. It did that every night. ! think those people on the Western Slope put mountains up so they could steal our sunlight. Let’s get ‘em. Brat and bier. We watched the fireworks. Time to go retrieve my bike and junk. Then back to the bed for sleep. That was a long hard day.

Monday morn ! was glad ! was on the 2nd floor instead of the 3rd. ! was planning ahead for stair excursions. Today is haircut day. The place across the street was closed. Katrin said she had seen a place nearby. She offered to walk me over there. The stylist didn’t speak English. Her and Katrin chatted in German at length about how cute ! am. We picked a style and off she went. ! feel much less hairy now.

Tuesday was travel day for most of us. Katrin had left for Greece with her sister. Susan and Tinger were on their way to Croatia. Matt and Andrew had gone to the early flight. That left me, Melissa and the crazy Cajuns. Smitty was still smashed. He spent the whole ride leaning on Melissa telling her how soft and warm she was. Mark kept recounting how he went to the shower and found Smitty sitting in the bathroom naked. Melissa listened intently to both of them. ! beat my luggage home.






Das Ende

Thanks to Matt for the photos.

Quelle Challenge Roth Travel and Schwimmen

My first (1st) Iron distance race.

First and most important, it’s good to have friends. Thanks to everyone who helped out on this endeavor. Tanner and Christine for running the Triathlon Experience handling all the logistics for what could have been a huge farce. Charley for telling girls ! was doing an ironman even when ! hadn’t even left town yet. Dr. Brett for the use of his bike box. He swore to me that it would protect my girl even if tsa jumped up and down on it. His misguided trust in federal employees is quaint. Shelby Katz for suggesting that ! might not be totally sane. As you know, mental illness is a leading cause of IronMan success. Jeff Carroll for starting several hours after me. Diamond Denny for being such a pain in the ass that ! couldn’t permit him to push harder than me. And for the Grand Slam Slugger. Dr. John for fixing my knee and Achilles tendon and generally just straightening things out. SUPER DANKE’

Travel

The plan: leave home @ 7:30a to Stapleton park n ride. 22 minutes on Sky Ride to DIA. 2 hours to get to the gate and have a snack. No problem.

How it really went: Left home @ 7:30a to Stapleton park n ride. On Sky Ride. 5 minutes to get onto I-70 down the on-ramp. 2 crashes up ahead. Bus diverted through neighborhoods. ! had looked up which side ! needed to de-bus online. US Airways was on the far side. Straight up to the counter. They pointed out that it was “operated by United” on the other side. Walk over get in a long line of teenagers wearing matching t-shirts. Then ! realized that was the “group” line. ! wanted to be in the “big baggage” line. Sidestep. That line only moved when someone figured out they only had little baggage and left. Tim from Boulder Tri Club was up ahead w/ his box. He recognized the Triathlon Experience sticker on my box and came over to chat. His flight had been cancelled so he had several hours until the next one. Still an hour to go. He waited after he checked his stuff. The checker decided ! was in a hurry and sent me on my way. Next up the tsa line. ! headed straight to where it usually backs up to. It was still going. It seemed to be getting longer faster than ! was approaching the end until it was almost to the baggage claim section. Time for some stress. The line actually moved pretty fast. No bonus searches for either of us. Train ride to B then walk the entire length of the concourse to my gate. There it is. 5 minutes to spare. The gate guy ignored me. Then told me they had been paging me @ the gate for 15 minutes. ! could see the plane sitting there. They had closed the doors and were unconcerned about my predicament. Of every flight ! was scheduled to be on including the adjustments that was the only one that went on time. Tim accompanied me to customer service to stand in that line. He held my spot while ! went to the phone to talk to “Bill” in India. He couldn’t find me anywhere. Finally to the front of the line. They told me to sprint to the far end of concourse C and try to get on that flight to Charlotte. They got me on and assured me ! would make my connection. ! was skeptical since my layover was only an hour and this flight was taking off more than an hour later. Tim was on his own.

Charlotte to Frankfurt was to launch @ 4:30. ! touched down in Charlotte @ 4:30. the Frankfort flight left 16 minutes late while we still taxiing in. ! didn’t even have gate info. That was the last flight to Germany. Two tomorrow. 4:30 from Charlotte landing 7a and 4:05 from Philly landing 6a. Both over booked. The Philly flight was better odds so ! was on the next plane to Philly. Had to find a shuttle to a hotel an food. Ever had a meal in a hotel restaurant that serves Chinese and American food in an area with nothing around. ! didn’t think ! could get through all the fried rice even after many hours w/out feeding and lots of soy sauce.

Next am after watching Fox News Channel for awhile and punishing the continental breakfast it was off to the airport. 3 hours early to maximize my odds of getting on the plane. They had a seat for me. Now ! just had to get through security and wait. Many hours later we put skid marks on the runway in Frankfurt. Down the stairs to the bus and into the terminal. Luggage was already on the carousel. The crowds thinned and before long ! was left alone. After some research we found out my bags were on the Charlotte flight that had just landed.

The Frankfurt flughof (airport) is a 2 ½ hour train ride from Nurnberg where Christine or Tanner would pick me up. The Bahnhof (train station) was as far away in the airport as they could get it and required several trips up and down escalators. The baggage carts seem to have been designed to handle escalators. ! got to the sunny spot and asked the info guy where the train was. “Down 2 escalators. You have 2 minutes” There was a gal on the escalator who wanted the same train. We were half down the 2nd one and could see the train leave. That’s when ! realized there were elevators and ! had no ticket. Back upstairs to find a ticket machine. The same girl was on the phone crying.

Ticket in hand, ! descended back into the depths. Here it comes. Onboard and off we go. Slowly through town to the main Frankfurt station. It seemed to sit still for a long time there. The porter came around. His best English sentence was “get off”. It seems ! was on the wrong train and this was the end of the line. After much pointing and waving ! was headed to the right platform. ! couldn’t really be sure though since everyone over there speaks mostly German. The engineer made announcements in German then English, but ! could barely understand either until he finished with Good Bye.

Arrival in Nurnburg came 20 minutes earlier than ! expected. After de-training (basically what ! had been doing for the last 2 months) ! made my way to the prescribed meeting place. McDonald’s. Tanner or Christine would find me there and all would be well with the world. They charge extra for catsup and mayo to dunk your fries in. The water is all carbonated. Tanner had been wandering the halls looking for me. 20 minutes on the Autobahn and we were closing in on Hilpoltstein.

Pre Race

Tanner was preparing to pick up AJ and drive the bike course. ! tossed my stuff in the room and loaded up. By this time ! was approaching 20 hours without sleep. Some of the climbs looked a lot steeper than ! had expected, but still short. Much like 17th between Broadway and Sherman. The little villages had twists and turns going through them that were a little tight for the car. ! was worried about them once the road was clogged with everyone who got out of the water before me. Halfway around Tanner announced Greding. We rounded the curve and ! woke up. Screaming, sweating, trembling. It wasn’t Olde Stage Rd, but it would be the second time around. It was steeper and longer than the other climbs and then there was a less steep part on top of it. Tanner said there would be headwinds once we got over the top. A few more miles mostly flat then into the trees. The steep descent. The tight corners. The hay bales. By now ! was nearly holding my eyelids open with my fingers. ! needed a nap before the barbeque.

Massage, Bier, food and most everyone from the TTE group was there. Tim made it. Susan and Darin still didn’t have their bikes and Susan didn’t have any clothes except what she was wearing. The Second Mayor of Hilpoltstein was there and gave us all pins. ! gave her a hug. She told all her friends !’m sure. Christine was in the paper that day. ! had missed the breakfast with the pros that morning. See Matt’s photos. ! had suspected we would be traveling to a race venue to meet them with hundreds of others. They came to our hotel. In the biergarten. We were getting real VIP treatment.

Breakfast was quite impressive. Sliced ham, turkey and roast beef. Several types of cheese. Rolls and Danish from the bakery just down the street. Soft boiled eggs, cereals, yogurt. Fresh OJ and lots of coffee. On the second day we discovered the egg opening machine. A metal cup with a rod extending from it was placed over the point of the egg. The metal ball is dropped from the top of that rod striking the cup which distributed the force to the lip. A perfect break. Just peel and eat. Those were heady times following that discovery. Screw the iPhone. No one went hungry.

Two more times we made trips around the bike course. The handling of a 9 passenger van is vastly inferior to a 9 kg race bike. AJ listened intently as ! described the best way to handle the corners and other technical sections. My advice probably helped him shave 5 minutes off his race time.

Check in and the expo came with rain. Lots of rain. We had our numbers and T bags as well as some idea of what to do with it all. Back in the biergarten bikes were coming out of the shed for some final tuning and tightening. Things were looking good. No one was nervous yet.

The night of the big pasta feed coincided with some lunatics running from Hilpoltstein to Roth. About 20 miles ! hear. One of the girls suggested the fried potatoes we had would make a great hand up so out to the street we went. Greasy potato wedges were grabbed by passing runners. Mark was too amused by the whole event to continue on without pain killers. He had very recently broken a few ribs and a scapula in a bike crash. He wouldn’t be racing. We returned to dinner.

Friday morning the canal was open for swim practice. It was rumored to be 73*. Since ! race in Colorado ! had no idea what that would be like. ! was going to practice without the wetsuit. Orca had some loaners there so ! tried one on. We approached the water tenuously expecting the Aurora Res. chill. One toe in and it was amazingly comfortable. Deeper in and it was still really pleasant. ! peed and things really warmed up. Time to move. Matt, Katrin and ! swam far enough up the course to see the far bridge turn-around then came back. Susan swam 2 or 3 laps around the course and was changed into dry clothes by the time we came ashore.

Saturday afternoon was bike check day. They gave us giant plastic covers to keep the rain off. T2 bags got dropped then also. Time to plot out the swim exit and route to the T1 tent. Then how to get to the bike and then onto the street. It rained on the walk home. It was to be an early evening though there wouldn’t be much sleep. Tension was building. Other than Tanner this would be the first iron distance race for the entire RMTC contingent. If Tanner was nervous the rest of us could justify the butterflies. Could Melissa justify her fairy outfit? That was the big question. Race day weather was forecast to be warm (mid 70s) and sunny. A little rain during the swim and then a little more to cool things off for the start of the run. In other words the Coloradoans were packing snorkels for the bike ride. It had been cloudy, cool and rainy every day we had been there. The locals would carry odd webbed fabric contraptions over their heads on a stick.

Schwimmen

Race day dawned quite a while after we were up and feeding. Constanza had breakfast ready for us @ 4:30am. Most of us started walking over to get body marked by 5:30. Place the T1 bag in the designated spot. Drop the dry clothes bag @ the truck. Wetsuit application was a good warm up. The pros and the girls had started already. ! had 1:05 to stand by. The pros were out of the water. Susan was out 15th overall. ! vaguely recalled what color swim cap ! had put on and found a mob of matching caps outside the holding pen. ! was beginning sensory deprivation. Earplugs in, goggles fogging up and wrapped in rubber. Matt was the only one ! knew in my wave. No way ! would have recognized him if ! had looked for him. They let us into the water. 50 feet to the start line. 2 minutes to go. ! planned on starting behind the front row. That’s where ! set up. Then ! peed and decided it was time to move. There ! was right up front. Had this doubt ! was feeling come up when ! was deciding to sign up ! could have saved 1000s of dollars and hours of training time. As usual my timing was way off. ! was preparing to attempt the longest swim of my life and the longest run of my life. Sticking a 180k bike ride in between wasn’t sounding like such a good idea. Why am ! here? 10 seconds. The cannon sounds and we’re off.

Thrashing wasn’t as bad as ! had anticipated. The fast guys were going ahead. The slow guys were eaten by sharks. ! was out there with feet to draft and ! felt ok at a comfortable pace. The course was one out and back. Under the next highway bridge, turn around and return. Just past the highway bridge near the start and turn around for the final 100 meters to exit. ! was approximately half way out when ! saw ! was well behind a group that ! could draft. ! sprinted up to them and settled in. That was the only time ! altered my pace. Then there were the buoys. ! did a Charley roll around them and my calf seized up. A bit of stretching and ! was off. It would either work it’s way out or be a real problem. ! had a long swim to let it settle down. By then every stroke increased my record swim distance. ! still felt good. Perhaps ! wouldn’t drown. ! made it out of the water in 1:18:21. Nearly 12 minutes faster than ! had expected and 5 faster than Susan had told me to expect.

Don’t go away. There’s a lot more. ! just have to drink bier and make it all up.

Big Sky Du Stormy Weather

Last race day before Roth. 15 days to go so just some intensity without the high volume. At least that was the plan. My clocks seem to move really fast. Before ! knew it it was time to head out. ! was still getting dressed and the car wasn’t loaded yet. On the road late so ! missed the mousetrap exit. All the way up to 58th to turn around and come back to I-70. Bennett or bust. Unloading my bike ! pinched the tires. A little soft. The rear wouldn’t hold air. Each stroke of the pump hissed out the side. With no spares but the one in my saddle bag ! had to patch it. Those tires were looking worn. Good thing this is their last ride. ! set up transition and got my bag of stuff. Just enough time to take a short warm-up run and pee. “GO” ! was off and doing a good pace. 6:42 for the first mile. ! meant good for me. ! kept pushing. 7:13 avg. for the first run of 2.4 miles. Great so far. Onto the bike and ! was moving……for ½ a mile. My quad was cramping. ! slowed the pace and tried to stretch it out while pedaling one-legged. Not much better. By 1.5 miles ! had to stop and stretch. A little better until ! got back on. ! pushed it easy for another mile and pulled over again. !’m supposedly ready for an ironman so ! can’t fall apart in a 20 mile race. Off again. It still hurt. ! was doing 13 mph on the flats. Old people were passing me on hybrids and mountain bikes. The thought of going over an hour on a 40 minute ride was almost as painful as the cramp. ! pushed a little harder. It really hurt. ! backed off and little girls passed me. ! pushed harder. Sunny Gilbert had gone by the other way a long time ago. Tanner was a few minutes behind her. Where was Jocelyn. ! was nearly to the turnaround when ! saw her. She had taken some bad advice and left her saddlebag in transition. It was big and dorky looking. So she flatted. One of the best ways to prevent flats is to have stuff to fix it. In a field as strong as the Elite women on a race that short flatting puts you in last place. She had saved enough time by not carrying all that dead weight to have moved up a spot to next to last. ! was still crawling along. It felt like a head wind on the way out. ! was looking forward to the push on the way back and hoping the leg would have worked itself out by then. ! had slammed all my Gatorade trying to get electrolytes. My glute was starting to cramp a bit too. Darrin is such a bastard. That turnaround is always at the bottom of a hill. ! hit the climb pretty hard. It really hurt. Over the crest and ! found the wind. In my face. There was no more time to wait out the pain. ! had to push through it. If it subsided that would be great. After a bit ! was down in the aero bars doing 25. That’s when it happened. My rim was bouncing on the pavement. Flat. Did ! mention this day was sucking? New tube in. Pumped up. Both calves locked when ! stood up. Off ! went again. ! managed to hit 28mph when a farm truck passed me. He got stuck behind some of the slow pokes going almost 20mph. ! was going to pass, but there was oncoming traffic so ! grabbed the brakes and went slow for a while. Finally back up to speed and not hurting as bad. ! soft pedaled into T2. Almost a full stop to dismount. ! was concerned that my leg would collapse if ! dismounted at speed.

T2 was tough. ! wasn’t sure how the run would go. ! was going to finish for sure, but when. The really fast guys had done the whole race in less time than ! was on the bike. Tanner and Jocelyn were done. Seth and Al were done. Steve Lynn was probably done too. ! pushed it out onto the run course. The first lap wasn’t as painful as ! had feared. ! was hoping to run the whole thing. Then it got worse. ¾ miles to go ! had to stop and stretch. Limping now. ! tried jogging some and walking. Slowly through the aid station. Just around the corner ! decided ! was going to run the rest of the way. It was only about 4 blocks and it hurt. Across the finish line ! started hunting for Steve Lynn, the world’s greatest massage therapist. He’s not as nice as he seems. Every time he’d stretch that spasm !’d howl in agony and he would cackle with glee. He told me to avoid sugar so he ate my 3 cookies. In hindsight ! question that. ! think he just didn’t want to go get his own cookies. Getting into the car hurt even.

Just my bike time would have put me 24th overall. Add 2 slow runs and 2 transitions and ! was 256th of 268.
Kathy Alfino won her age group.
So did big Al Marvin.
Tanner and ! both placed the same in our categories. Last. Tanner was Elite.