Rattlesnake Tri '5 race report, more great performances!!!!

RMTC had a strong showing @ Rattlesnake Tri today. It was the USAT regional club championships and we got 3rd. And w/ no further ado, here is how it went. ! signed up long, long ago. Good thing too since it sold out. They gave me #409 as in Formula 409 since they knew ! would be cleaning up. ! arrived late just as they were anouncing the closure of transition. Since !'m not good @ following instructions ! marched right in and set up anyway. Then off to the body markers. That's really my only physical contact w/ girls so ! made sure my hair was just so and prolonged it as long as ! could. A brief warmup on the bike and then into the water to get acclimated. The water was chilly and as it seeped into my wetsuit ! slowly lost all interest in girls (temporarily). Charley decided not to race when Jim Flint told him he could use a bull horn. As ! predicted, Charley supervised the TT start until all the women were in the swim then wandered off somewhere else. Can you blame him? Just a bunch of odd looking guys (that's probably redundant ) followed and the first of those were the saggy old guys. Our beloved president Clyde came to the start line and offered me words of encouragement. ! sprinted in and saw the guy 5 seconds behind me pass when ! took my second breath. ! was out in 9:30 sprinting up the beach. 36 minutes on the bike and ! was back. Shelby was yelling from the sidelines that Luke was right behind me. He wasn't. ! ran out of there like my creepy neighbor's house was on fire. That's pretty damn fast for me. Actually ! managed a 7:25 pace for the 5k. ! nearly died. ! came up behind a tall girl who eventually demanded that ! pass her. ! was mesmerized by her pony tail. My heavy breathing was bothering her. !'ve really been practicing my social skills so ! passed her instead of offering her $3.99/ minute. Shelby was there @ the finish screaming about Luke again. Fearing the mutant bobble-head doll was gaining ! let it rip for the final 100 yards. Last year was my 1st as a member of RMTC and it really made me faster. ! took 15 minutes off my 2003 time and this year ! dropped another 13 minutes. The swim was shorter and the run was different. The winning time this year was 8 minutes faster than last year. ! did 1:12:11 for 37 male (6th female) and 8th in my age group. ! would have won the Clydesdale division. So the big decision for next season...more ice cream OR surgery? Thanks for reading all this. You've earned some interesting bits so here they are. Nancy got 5th in her age group. Michael got 1st in his age group and beat me by a minute. Becky got run over @ the run turnaround by some large guy. Well, larger than her. She still made it back and ! believe she slashed his tires, but ! can't prove it. Poor Luke who's parents once again missed a damn fine showing by their future super star won has age group and got 5th overall as well as 2nd place in the Luke category. Luke is such a sweet lad and he loves his parents dearly. How dearly? Well, he only uses cuss words his daddy taught him. It must be hard for him. Micah, who also has emotional problems that lead him to race under the alias of James and bribe girls to come to races w/ him by buying them pop tarts, managed 2nd in the same age group. If you see either of those boys give them a hug and tell them it will all be ok. ! also saw Len, the other Doug doing his 3rd ever tri and Steve who has been to one group ride and hasn't swum since Wash Park closed their pool. There must have been others. There seemed to be a bunch of non-RMTC people there. They aren't important.
For all the results click http://www.ccrtiming.com/races/results/2005/05rattle.htm

Clyde and Nancy really need more comedic stimulation as they obviously are only getting one source. See the last entry @ http://www.rmtriclub.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=184 and pity them. For them and anyone else in search of REAL humor ! recommend The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide by Douglas Adams. It includes all 4 books in the original Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy trilogy plus+ 2 additional stories. ! bought it because it has a silly picture on the cover. Due to my publical education, !'m having my staff read it to me before they tuck me in @ night. Either the book is highly amusing or the staff can make up great stories on the fly.
Doug!!

Xterra Keystone Mountain Championship

Sunday, while several of you were off to Kansas City kickin’ ass @ Nats, The muddy bunch scooted up to Keystone for the Xterra Mountain Championship. ! saw Dave Farmar setting up his transition. Meghan Barney, and Lisa were rumoured to be there, but ! never saw them. ! did see John just after he finished the Sport race. It’s been about 6 weeks since he had his last baby and he’s racing again and looking just as fast as ever. !’ve been tapering all week hoping to have a snap in my legs. Not the same snap ! had last year. The water was the warmest they’ve ever had it @ 64*. ! wore my GPS just to make sure they had straight lines between the buoys. This year the swim went better than before. ! was to the 2nd buoy before the air wasn’t getting in fast enough and over ½ the 1st lap before the gasping got desperate. ! managed to finish mid-pack. That would be the group that started 2 waves behind me. They have a long, barefoot run to T1 then out onto the dirt road to start the mountain bike ride. Up the 1st climb ! had someone to dice with. He was an obese, long haired Daschund with 4 inch long legs. ! dropped him when he stopped for a Milk Bone and a belly rub. Transition was @ 9,273’. From there we climbed to 11,632’ before the treacherous descent. They turned off the oxygen @ 10-,000’ ! never managed to just let it go. Just to clarify how slow ! was decending, ! was riding with a dude who was doing his 3rd mountain bike ride. ! did manage to make it to T2. Out onto the 10k trail run. ! had hoped to run the whole way and ! did until 4.75 miles at the longest and steepest climb on the course. A couple more short walks then we waded through the Snake River. It was only about a foot deep. From there it was a long sprint to the finish. There was a girl in front of me so ! tried to catch her. She heard my panting and sprinted. ! gained a lot of ground on her, but there just wasn’t enough to get by. If ! hadn’t been breathing she’d have not known ! was there until it was too late. Next race ! think ! will hold my breath the whole time. So there ! was sitting under the finish tent eating a banana when ! saw 2 little girls about 5 years old. One was holding a stick and menacing 2 little boys of the same vintage. She had the most adorable vicious look on her face with no hint of malice. The boys ran. ! told them it was good and proper to be terrified by girls and that they just get scarier as they get older. Next stop was the Compex tent for the electro-stimulator massage. They only hooked up my thighs yet ! was twitching all over. Something wasn’t right. ! feared ! was coming down with the dreaded disco fever. ! went to the med tent to get checked out. !’ve never visited a med tent before. They asked me questions and put me on O2 and a blanket. My buddy Gregg was there. He’s the ski patrol guy who showed up @ my crash site last year and ran the evac. After a while, they suggested ! go to the clinic since, as Mother says a lot, “you don’t seem quite right” Gregg drove me over there and said ! could keep the official ski patrol scratchy wool blanket. Gregg’s a nice guy. That’s why he got the extra “g”. They looked me over and asked about my head injury from 3 weeks ago. The one Yon said ! should have gotten a CT scan for and J.C. said ! should have gotten the CT scan before bashing my head. Finally, the nurses had had enough of me and kicked me out. Upon my return to transition there were 2 bikes left. ! loaded up and headed out @ 4:45p. A long day followed by a rock slide induced traffic jam on I-70. Total race time 3:47:04 about an hour longer than ! had hoped for. 22nd of 34 in my group. Everyone was long gone by the time ! got back. For results click here http://www.xterraplanet.com/race/racing_news.html
Doug!!
http://2001abikeodyssey.blogspot.com/