Rattlesnake Tri '5 race report, more great performances!!!!

RMTC had a strong showing @ Rattlesnake Tri today. It was the USAT regional club championships and we got 3rd. And w/ no further ado, here is how it went. ! signed up long, long ago. Good thing too since it sold out. They gave me #409 as in Formula 409 since they knew ! would be cleaning up. ! arrived late just as they were anouncing the closure of transition. Since !'m not good @ following instructions ! marched right in and set up anyway. Then off to the body markers. That's really my only physical contact w/ girls so ! made sure my hair was just so and prolonged it as long as ! could. A brief warmup on the bike and then into the water to get acclimated. The water was chilly and as it seeped into my wetsuit ! slowly lost all interest in girls (temporarily). Charley decided not to race when Jim Flint told him he could use a bull horn. As ! predicted, Charley supervised the TT start until all the women were in the swim then wandered off somewhere else. Can you blame him? Just a bunch of odd looking guys (that's probably redundant ) followed and the first of those were the saggy old guys. Our beloved president Clyde came to the start line and offered me words of encouragement. ! sprinted in and saw the guy 5 seconds behind me pass when ! took my second breath. ! was out in 9:30 sprinting up the beach. 36 minutes on the bike and ! was back. Shelby was yelling from the sidelines that Luke was right behind me. He wasn't. ! ran out of there like my creepy neighbor's house was on fire. That's pretty damn fast for me. Actually ! managed a 7:25 pace for the 5k. ! nearly died. ! came up behind a tall girl who eventually demanded that ! pass her. ! was mesmerized by her pony tail. My heavy breathing was bothering her. !'ve really been practicing my social skills so ! passed her instead of offering her $3.99/ minute. Shelby was there @ the finish screaming about Luke again. Fearing the mutant bobble-head doll was gaining ! let it rip for the final 100 yards. Last year was my 1st as a member of RMTC and it really made me faster. ! took 15 minutes off my 2003 time and this year ! dropped another 13 minutes. The swim was shorter and the run was different. The winning time this year was 8 minutes faster than last year. ! did 1:12:11 for 37 male (6th female) and 8th in my age group. ! would have won the Clydesdale division. So the big decision for next season...more ice cream OR surgery? Thanks for reading all this. You've earned some interesting bits so here they are. Nancy got 5th in her age group. Michael got 1st in his age group and beat me by a minute. Becky got run over @ the run turnaround by some large guy. Well, larger than her. She still made it back and ! believe she slashed his tires, but ! can't prove it. Poor Luke who's parents once again missed a damn fine showing by their future super star won has age group and got 5th overall as well as 2nd place in the Luke category. Luke is such a sweet lad and he loves his parents dearly. How dearly? Well, he only uses cuss words his daddy taught him. It must be hard for him. Micah, who also has emotional problems that lead him to race under the alias of James and bribe girls to come to races w/ him by buying them pop tarts, managed 2nd in the same age group. If you see either of those boys give them a hug and tell them it will all be ok. ! also saw Len, the other Doug doing his 3rd ever tri and Steve who has been to one group ride and hasn't swum since Wash Park closed their pool. There must have been others. There seemed to be a bunch of non-RMTC people there. They aren't important.
For all the results click http://www.ccrtiming.com/races/results/2005/05rattle.htm

Clyde and Nancy really need more comedic stimulation as they obviously are only getting one source. See the last entry @ http://www.rmtriclub.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=184 and pity them. For them and anyone else in search of REAL humor ! recommend The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide by Douglas Adams. It includes all 4 books in the original Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy trilogy plus+ 2 additional stories. ! bought it because it has a silly picture on the cover. Due to my publical education, !'m having my staff read it to me before they tuck me in @ night. Either the book is highly amusing or the staff can make up great stories on the fly.
Doug!!